Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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