Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
