just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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