mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
