so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
