wat bout pragnant strippers??
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Less talking, more tequila
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
