so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
