It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
