girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
