why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
