I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You are the jesus of drinking
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
