Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
