now i know why i became what i already was.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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