Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
