dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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