I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
