Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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