I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We have started to decorate penises.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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