I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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