Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
