Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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