if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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