then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
