Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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