A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
