somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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