my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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