he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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