I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
