I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.