I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..