fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?