she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just blew my weed a kiss
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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