I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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