Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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