I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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