Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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