It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
