I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
