Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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