so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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