You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
