I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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