i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
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you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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