I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
