I wanna bring you to show and tell
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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