i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
from now on my penis is your penis
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
