Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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