My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
