Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
