I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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