I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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