before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
