i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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