if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
