so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
