Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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