I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
