That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this beer tastes like vomit already
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize