He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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